Weekend with Mark T: Reclaiming my innocence, love, healing, transformation, and liberation from being a sex object. Tuesday, July 15, 2014

This is part of the weekend with Mark T Series:
1. Reclaiming my innocence, healing, transformation, and liberation from being a sex object.
2. Power of Manifestation
3. Power of Intention
4. Power of Inspiration
5. Sexual energy and love

In an on going response from the Universe to my intention of connecting with people, sexual healing, transformation and liberation from the human body, the universe has provided me with some experiences to write about after my free writing [Full Moon][Video Blog][Free Writing] Reclaim Your Innocence. Saturday, July 12, 2014.

Mark T is an answer to my desire to have an adult male who I could feel safe with sexually to help me further my goal of sexual healing and find my true self. I grew up without a real male role model, energy, affection and love. The first experience of being love and physically touch by a man was being molested by adults started when I was four or five years old, I was molested by woman as well but for a brief period. Growing up, I have tied affection and love, feeling of love, the ability to receive love, and giving love to all form of sexual contact. Growing up, I was also programmed to believe that nudity, my human body, is sex; part of the reason is of course sex happens when I’m naked or when the other person is.

Regardless of Mark’s true intent, or the fact that he may find me sexually appealing, he remained respectful to who I am and my needs. There were many moments during my time with him that I felt like he was being my father. Because of molestation, I have been guarded with who could touch me, I was programmed to believe that physical touch lead to sex. It has been something that I have been working on healing over the years, to know how to have human touch with love and affection. Mark T suggested that I sleep in his bed while I stayed over at his house, and I saw it as my moment to let my guard down and trust someone. I know that I will be safe this time, at least from my part, because I have rebuilt my sexual boundary through the help of Jennifer Holbrook of NOVA in 2013, and from reading the book she suggested I read “Healing the Shame that Binds You” by John Bradshaw. And sleeping on the couch doesn’t seem very comfortable.

Natt: Where should I sleep?
Mark: You could just sleep in my bed.
Natt: Uh huh…
Mark: It will be ok, I won’t rape you.

While it was uneasy for me, and there were moments when I got mad (from old programming), it was definitely healing. It was nice to be able to sleep next to someone, being hugged by someone, and having my body respected. He did not touch me sexually, and I appreciated it. It has been healing because I am getting to connect with a male without sex, even though there may be a lot of sexual energy involve, this will also help me reprogramming myself in an ongoing rebalancing and healing of my sexual self in how I relate to a woman; in regards to my fear of bisexuality and sex itself.

In the continuance of me exploring nudity, I had a thought about exploring my journey of nudity with Mark T, and after a good weekend with him where he has helped me with my healing, I decided to asked him if he would want to take my nude pictures for me. It does feel liberating to not have fear and be ashamed of my human body, this is how God made me, this is what I look like without clothes on. I am not this body, I am not a sex object, my body is a temple of God, and it is beautiful. And you know what? Taking nude picture is fun!

*Disclaimer* Don’t click on the link to my flickr album if you have a personal issue with nudity, and especially have an issue with seeing me nude.
Photo Session with Mark T [Non-nude/Nude]
Fire Investigator by Mark T [Non-nude/Nude]

Soooo tired…I’m ready to be home. Sarasota, Florida here I come. -FB Post Monday, July 14, 2014

Lastly, what was really cool was on the plan ride home from Albany, New York, this attractive black girl was sitting next to me, it was a two seats row. She has a strong energy that I like. I saw it as an opportunity for me, provided by the Universe, to work on my sexual healing. I started to have a conversation with her, I didn’t have any fear because I did not tie my sexual energy to sex and putting out an intention of wanting to be like sexually in return response. It was totally awesome, I felt like we had friendly flirtation and our conversation was good to the point where she finally introduced herself to me, “My name is Lauren, by the way.” She is from upstate New York, had just recently moved to Louisiana and is planning to go to school to become a sound technician.